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Beans and Franks

  • Ball Park all beef hotdogs.

  • Two cans plain vegetarian baked beans (no added brown sugar, pork fat, etc)

  • BBQ sauce (your choice, but I like Sweet Baby Ray's)

  • Potato chips (I prefer Lays, but whatever)

  • Sweet pickles (Vlasic, sweet midgets).

  • Bowl and plate.

  • Place six beef hotdogs in microwave on plate.  Make sure they are spread out so that they cook evenly.  Cook until they explode/start to turn black. (about 4 minutes) Hot dogs on inside of plate may cook slower, so add 30 seconds for just those.

  • Dump two cans of beans into large bowl.  Cut up exploded hotdogs, put in bowl.  Squeeze in lots of BBQ sauce.  

  • Stir.

  • Place in microwave, 2.5-3 minutes.

  • Enjoy delicious, simple, Healthy meal, because remember, those beans are vegetarian.


Let me start by saying, don't judge me until you try this.  I have been told by a foodie friend that it is "more than the sum of its parts."  Granted, he was also making fun of me, but then he had seconds.  So who's the joke on now, biiiiaaaatch?




Anyway, so like much of my food, this recipe began in a terrible state, brought about by  my father not understanding or appreciating food.  He used Van Camps beans (with pork fat!), and would add ketchup, much like some ancient barbarian tribe might have.  


So with careful testing of things like ingredients, and whether the hotdogs should explode or not, I have slowly perfected the recipe for beans and franks.  It is important to note that the spoon must only be used for bites that include hotdogs, while for bites with just beans you must use only a large chip.  Also, every five bites or so, take a bite of a sweet pickle.  Palette cleansing, you see.  And if you're making this for your much classier lady-friend, be sure to use the phrase "palette cleansing," because it's the only classy thing about this very simple, very quick, man-food meal.


Some history to this recipe: when we first started dating, in my smitten state I cooked the lids off the pots. HT got Brigitte Bardot's Poule au Pot (poached chicken in lemon cream sauce), honey pear upside down cake, the best blueberry pie ever, Chinese-style beef with tomato and egg over rice, etc. One day he said he was going to cook for me. Out comes a PLASTIC TROUGH and he whips up this concoction...and it was delicious! 


NB: when his Dad heard his story I don't think he's ever been so proud of his son! 

This recipe is a fantastic example of how you should just eat what tastes good. If you wanted to be a pain in the butt about it you could snort that every item on the recipe comes from a factory. No fresh produce in sight. Where were those hot dogs sourced from anyway? Are those beans non-GMO? Why does the meat need to be "exploded"?! To hell with it, get over yourself. With some care, with some tweaking, things from cans and packages can be tasty and satisfying. So  much for my all-natural, partly-vegetarian childhood. #whoops 

If I had turned my nose up at the TROUGH the first time not only would we likely not be married now (!) but I'd have missed out on a  really tasty meal and that's the worst! 

I challenge you to find a better meal when it's freezing out, you've got Star Trek TNG on and you're snuggling with your honey - just scoop and crunch that fatty, salty, meaty, savory-sweet mix and chase it with swills of cold milk. Live long and prosper indeed! 

(TA DA!!!)

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